My dear readers,
Many of you are parents or even are not there yet but planning to be. In raising your children, keep in mind that not all of these darlings respond to the same corrections in the same way. Some children may jump right to obedience by a simple, quiet word while others may take some pursuasion by stimulating their will to move. But no matter what method you choose, pay close attention to the way your little one responds to the correction. If things worsen it may be time to soften your approach and have more patience. Think about the fact that you are raising the men and women of tomorrow, parents to be. I don’t care how frustrated you might be or how much you feel like your child is just not doing what you think they should be doing with their life at the time you think they should. Yelling at them, putting them down and acting like a juvenile yourself will NEVER help the situation. In most cases (no matter what age your child is, including an adult), it will make it worse! Telling them they will never do good or telling them they are lazy or whatever will only make them feel that they can’t rise above their current state. Whether it’s schooling, job hunting or even just cleaning their room....it may be they see it as a mountain that is nearly impossible to get over! Just be patient...and encouraging when they do right. THAT is what will make them WANT to do more!
My mom often told me that sometimes certain children look around their room they were told to clean and see an endless ocean of mess that they will never push through. So they most likely won’t even try. Not out of rebellion so much as discouragement. Yelling and screaming at them will accomplish nothing. In my opinion these same children, if not encouraged in their good pursuits, may have trouble later trying to get through school or find a job. Hand them a stack of homework papers or a thick application packet and they with all intentions to finish. Yet they may get halfway through and feel overwhelmed. Again, yelling and screaming, putting them down and telling them how lazy or worthless they are will absolutely never help the situation. Once they reach the age of accountability they need encouragement in the way of right but without having their wrongs constantly pointed out. Show them you love and appreciate them, make them feel that they can trust your love as being real. Don’t say “I love you” and follow it up with a not so subtle barb that sticks in their heart. You make rude comments directly after the affectionate comment the only thing that will stick will be the negative. It’s just the way of humans.
Now there’s a middle of the road. I don’t believe in restraint from correcting your child altogether or handing them a candy just to quiet them. I don’t believe in giving children their way for everything nor do I agree that you always need to keep from yelling. Sometimes you just can’t help a yell. Just don’t correct out of anger.
If the child’s been raised to the best of their parents’ abilities and they were gentle and encouraging they may still not move in the right direction. Just take it to God and LEVE IT THERE! Don’t keep bringing up their faults and please do NOT post your disappointment and frustrations about your children on social media. They will, at some point, read it and, no matter if you directly say their name or not, they will know exactly who it’s about and it will do more harm than good.
In closing, your children are in your family tree whether adopted or birthed into your family naturally. Nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes but a healthy dose of genuine love and grace will go a long way to keeping that tree healthy and all the limbs intact. Prayer and patience are just two of the powerful tools God gave parents to raise their children. Whether your children are all natural born obedient ones or strong willed leaders, God gave each one to you. And it doesn’t matter how they came to be either. Planned or not they’re yours and it’s in your power to raise strong, responsible and loving individuals who will be strong adults someday.
With love and respect,
